What starts with an ‘F’? I’ll fuckin tell ya! It’s ‘Friday’, bitches, and its time for another wine tastaganza. This F-word finds us sampling a 2006 Barbera from the Livermore Valley of San Francisco Bay. What’s that? You’ve never heard of the fine vineyards of the Livermore Valley? Well, you aren’t alone. Seems the only people who have heard of this vineyard work in aisle 3 at Safeway. Instead of starting off with my review, how about we try something new and let the bottle do the typing.

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Hmm, that did not work out as well as I’d hope. Interestingly, the same can be said of the wine itself. On the back label, in a fancy olde-timey scripte fonte, the folks at Tamas Estate explain to us how it’s going to go down.

They really are pushing the travel metaphor here. The front label looks like an italian train ticket complete with hole punches and implied perforations. “Una Direzione Italia – California”. Yeah, good luck with that. Until the Oceatube is completed in 2024, you wont be taking any trains from Euros to Dollars.

Tasting notes.
Summary: “I didn’t know they still made Wonderbread.”

Mid-tasting, Bill lowers the glass from his mouth and looks pensively over my head as if trying to formulate a thought. “Did you hear about that baby who some lady tried to flush in a WonderBread bag?” Im guessing he wasn’t reacting to the hints of vanilla and pomegranate. I think he was transported, not to Old World Italy, but to a blood covered hospital bathroom floor.

Sandhya N.: “It is slightly more depressing than asofetida.”
David W.: “Wait… you saying someone ate a whole loaf of WonderBread? Gross.”
Erica C.: “If I had a nickel for every sip of this I didn’t want…” editors note:she trailed off.
Nicole C.: “What are you talking about Robert, of course lumberjacks feel.”
Anthony D.: “I feel sleepy. And angry. Slangry.”
Bill L.: “You sure this is wine? It could be mislabeled Welches.”
Brandie H.: “Oh my god, I was just thinking this tasted like Welches. I hate that bitch.”
Robert H.: “Better than Yellowtail.”

Today’s screwcap wine selection was brought to us by David and the stock boys at the Safeway on Market Street. But mucho kudos to Erica who was responsible for today’s cheese selection. Humboldt Fog Goat Cheese. It was the saving grace.

Oh, and a large-like shout out to Brandie who procured some proper glasses and a decanter in order to snoot up our fridays even more. Thanks! And in her honor, I leave you all with this little nugget of wisdom.

Editor’s note: The views expressed above may or may not reflect reality.